As I sit here, I recall the day my “now” (as in second) husband and I got married. I was looking at my new husband and literally thinking, “Well, he said ‘I do.’ Guess we will see what happens from here.”
On the surface my thought above may seems rather dismissive or may suggest that I was not fully committed or was not sure about the whole thing. Yet, over time, I have watched our relationship consistently grown stronger. I now see my thought/reaction above this way….
When I walked down that aisle, I was in love, totally committed, and had no doubts. I now realize that when I said, “I guess we will see” it was like I was not focused on lofty expectations. I had no need to try and “make” anything happen. I was relaxed and happy and ready and open to seeing where life would take us.
Kind of like saying to life, “Surprise me!” And for us, there have been so many happy, fun surprises!
Does this make sense?
Setting specific expectations and assuming they will all naturally happen the way we expect can be dangerous. Disappointment and frustration can take us down. Life happens. Things do not always go the way we planned or expected. It is kind of like surfing in the ocean. (Which I have never done and never will). But as you watch those great surfers out there, they go with the waves. They constantly shift their weight to meet and conquer the next wave. If they stiffen up, they crash.
Looking back, many of the problems in my first marriage were related to being focused on failed expectations and feeling the need to assign blame. We kept trying to “make” things happen that were never going to happen.
Of course we make plans. We must. But they must be seen as plans and not as an absolute guarantee. We must not be rigid. We must be open to surprises and bumps in the road. We must rely on love to see us safely through. We must continually be “seeing what happens” as we go forward.
For what it is worth….